Lessons from Depression

I’m no stranger to depression. It’s something that has been part of my reality, probably since I was about 11 when my beloved teacher of four years died of cancer and I was moving away from childhood into puberty. Dealing with hormonal changes and confronting the realities of life and death at 11 on my own were way too much for my 11-year-old self to handle. So I just kind of cut myself off from it all. I remember being maybe just twelve and listening to adults talk over my head about some person who was depressed and not having much motivation for living. I remember saying in my head “that sounds like me, I feel that way” Or my uncle having a conversation about the meaning of life and me inside going “No, REALLY, what IS the meaning of all this? Why am I here anyway?

I wish I could tell you that I found a straight answer and that every moment of every day I’m clear about the meaning and purpose of life and what I’m doing here. I can’t really tell you that, but I can tell you much about what depression has taught me and how I’ve learned to work with it and create more space, peace, joy and happiness in my life.

Lesson Number One: Most of what I’m aware of – and think i’m feeling- isn’t actually mine

The first thing that I want you to know that it took me so very-long to discover, and has been incredibly enlightening, is that you may just be super duper tuned in and aware!

What if you’re just really super aware of what’s going on around you and in the world and you don’t know what to do with it? What if 98% of the thoughts feelings emotions and sensations you’ve bought as yours are actually just what you’re picking up on from everyone around you?

If you’re even half the empath that I am and you struggle with depression, this could be part of what is going on for you. (If you’ve been following me at all, you’ve probably heard me talk about it before. I find it so incredibly valuable to my understanding and happiness, that it bears repeating, again and again and again…)

Who Does this Belong to?

One tool I’ve used (yes you may have heard this before too, but have you actually done it?) is asking myself, who does this belong to for every thought feeling emotion or sensation that comes into my awareness. If it gets lighter or shifts in any way then it’s not mine. I’ve actually had some really amazing moments where I’ve asked that and whatever I’ve been feeling completely dissipated. I literally had tears streaming down my face, asked myself “who does this belong to?”, completely stopped crying and could not access the feeling again. There have also been times when I am aware of other people’s stuff and asking “who does this belong to?” doesn’t automatically shift it. If I continue to explore and ask questions I can usually bring myself back to a greater degree of lightness. So, even if you ask the question and it doesn’t get immediately lighter, I still wouldn’t assume that it’s entirely yours, though that’s probably what you’ve been trained to believe.

Developing general awareness on this front can be helpful too. Notice if there are particular situations or people that trigger more heavy feelings or thoughts, or certain environments that contribute to depression. If you consistently feel depressed around a particular person, or in a particular space or situation this can also be an indicator that you’re just aware of something that isn’t really yours.

There have been times where I’ve gone to visit someone or to attend an event at a particular place and walked in the room and immediately felt funky or “off”.  I used to think I had major social issues, now I know I’m just super tuned in and perceiving so much of the energetic reality around me. I could leave that space and feel fine or even great again, which is so often the way I walked in. Where in your life has that been true for you?

How much are you just aware of or perceiving that you make about you and a problem with you? What if it’s not you?

Another pretty sure sign that you’re picking up stuff that isn’t yours is that if the feeling comes on seemingly out of the blue or all-of-a-sudden. If just as suddenly it lifts and you feel “fine” or “normal” again, you’re probably just aware of or picking up on something. It happens for me that way. It’s almost like I’m possessed by some other energy or intensity and then it lifts and I feel sane and grounded and back to being myself again.

If you have feelings hit you from out of the blue, ask yourself, “who does this belong to?” without needing to know the answer. If it shifts or gets lighter it is probably not yours and you can just “return it to sender” with consciousness attached. That way you can both get free.

I’ve worked a lot on myself, on looking into my patterns and beliefs, on my energetic blocks, trying to understand what’s really going on with me. I know it has been helpful and insightful and I have a great degree of self-awareness and understanding… However, all the amount of personal development work I did wasn’t really sufficient until I also realized that 9/10ths (or maybe 99/100ths?) of the stuff I was experiencing wasn’t even mine.

You can’t fix, heal  or resolve what doesn’t belong to you in the first place

So when I’d get heaviness from other people, think it was mine and then try to heal it, understand it or fix it, it didn’t really work. I wondered why after all these years of working on myself I still had so much “stuff”. The answer for me was that it isn’t really mine in the first place. As long as I’m picking up other people’s stuff, they’ll be happy to keep giving it to me. I’ll keep feeling all that heaviness because it’s not about some greater degree of self-awareness or understanding, it’s just me perceiving other people’s stuff and thinking that it’s me.

How much heaviness of others have you been aware of and thought it was just you?

How much have you been trying to fix, heal or otherwise transform the stuff that didn’t belong to you in the first place?

What if you could just give it back and be free?

If you’re like most people though, you’ll go “oh, that’s nice” or think it couldn’t possibly be that simple and go right back to picking up on everyone else’s stuff and thinking it’s just you. If you love your depression, your heaviness, your anxiety, your stress, then don’t try this! Sure, you’re convinced that you are the one person who really IS that screwed up. YOU are the one person who is the source of all the stuff that everyone else is picking up on, so why would you even try this because it won’t actually work for you anyway, even if it works for everybody else…. So don’t even bother trying it!

If you’re someone who struggles with depression, mental health or just doesn’t feel all that happy, and is looking for another approach or deeper understanding, please check out my book “Finding Your Own Happy: The Soul Searchers Guide to Peace and Happiness in Everyday Life! and join our facebook community.  and if you want more specific help and guidance, sing up for a FREE clarity call. You can schedule a clarity call through the link above or by visiting the home page of this site.