Four things you need to stop doing if you want to feel like you and your needs matter:

Do you feel like you don’t really matter? And that no matter what you do or give, or how much you show up for other people or sacrifice yourself for the greater good it doesn't even matter?

And when it comes down to it and you really need someone to help or be there for you no one really is?

I struggled with this for a long time. I was a people-pleaser, and over-extender, and an over-giver

I gave so much, loved so much, cared for others so much, and yet, at the end of the day I felt totally alone, and like despite everything I did for everybody else, I didn’t really matter.

If you want to feel like you and your needs matter as much as anyone else’s, that you have value or are important, you’re going to have to learn these three things:

1

STOP PRIORITIZING EVERYONE ELSE'S LIFE AND NEEDS ABOVE AND BEYOND YOUR OWN

For the habitual giver, caretaker and people-pleaser this can be a difficult lesson to learn. You might feel guilty, selfish, scared people won’t like you, not know what to do with yourself, or feel uncomfortable with being alone. You and your needs can't matter to anybody else until they truly matter to you and you take the actions and make the choices that they do. 

Most people  who struggle with this, fear that to put themselves first is unkind, uncaring, greedy or selfish, but is it really? How much do you like receiving from someone who is doing it out of a sense of duty and guilt rather than happiness or joy? How much can you truly give or extend yourself if you don't also take care of you? When you have your own life and take care of your own needs it also makes it so you have something valuable that others can find interesting and engage in.

There is likely some deeper work to do to transform the beliefs and patterns- often at the subconscious level- that keep you self-sacrificing and believing that your needs don’t matter, that you’re not worthy, that people will abandon you or not care for you if you do. But it is totally possible to heal this, and way faster than you can imagine!



2

STOP OVER-EXTENDING, OVER CONTRIBUTING, OVER-GIVING…

I tell my clients- never do anything for anyone else that isn’t also in some way contributing to or benefiting you.
Otherwise, you’re just destroying yourself and your own life in the process. Giving can be wonderful, but only if it also feels wonderful to you. Most people who overextend and over-give do so at their own expense.

  • Because they want other people to like them
  • Because they are afraid of saying no
  • Because they think it will help them matter and be valued by other people (but if you’re overextending or over-giving it often has the opposite effect.)
  • Because they feel guilty or like they are being bad or selfish if they don't

But when you break free from the people-pleasing compulsion and can stop overextending and over giving you are able to care for you and your own needs, have more energy for you, and eventually you feel better about yourself! Your needs matter because you start to make them matter and take care of them for yourself and when you stop always giving to other people and are willing to acknowledge that you have needs, not just to yourself but also to other people you make yourself available to actually receive and for people to have the space to contribute to you as well. 

3

STOP SHOWING UP FOR PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS IN YOUR LIFE THAT MAKE IT FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T MATTER

This can be a hard one to get, especially when you feel like you truly don’t matter to anybody in your life and in order to have anyone at all, you have to continue to show up for those who don’t really care for you or value you and your needs- or you’ll be totally alone.   It can feel scary to let go, but is the cost to you, your life and your happiness really worth it? 

You might be alone- for a time- but you also might start to feel better about yourself and have peace. Though, when you change, some of your relationships might also change in positive ways and become more mutually supportive and giving. Sometimes once you start valuing yourself and your own needs in different ways, the people in your life do too.

If they don't look for people who can show up in ways that appreciate and value you,and for people who can actually meet you and contribute to you as well It might take time, but it can happen when you make the choice to truly care for, honor and respect yourself.  Disengaging from people that I felt didn't really care for me or value me exponentially improved my sense of value and mattering and vastly improved my life.

4

STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU CAN'T OR DON'T MATTER

If you want to experience that you matter to other people, you have to believe that you can- especially if your experience throughout your life is that you can't or don't. If you don't believe that you can matte and that people can truly care about you, you'll keep showing up for the ones who don't hoping some how they will change. 

You'll also keep attracting into your life and settling for engagements and relationships where you're trying to prove that you can matter rather than knowing that you do. You'll stick with people that make you feel that you don't matter because you believe the problem is with you, and that you can neve know anything different. 


When you believe and know you matter, then you make choices in your life that truly reflect that, and you easily walk away from or avoid all together situations that make you feel like you don't. 

You may have to start just with the belief that it could happen, that if it can be true for other people it can also be true for you. Then go looking for all the experiences and enactments with life that can confirm and support that belief, not for all the ones that don't.

When stop doing these four things,  you’ll be surprised to see that you feel more valued, not less, that people actually care for you, and that you and your needs matter.

But it starts with them mattering to you… and doing the work to shift the places inside of you that keep you believing that they don’t.

Are you ready to stop putting yourself last and everyone else first?

Would you like to end, once and for all, the self-sacrificing, not mattering and putting your needs last?

I have created a special program that can help you get to the root cause of these patterns in your life- and help you transform and change them... 

With a simple three-part processes that takes just a couple of weeks!

Details and Registration HERE