Approval Seeking

… I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul…

From The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

How much in your life are you seeking approval from outside yourself for who you are and what you do?…  How does that feel? How much do you give yourself inner approval? How much do you do things for yourself, just because it feels good, just because YOU want to?

Are you aware of the difference? Are you aware of how much you choose based on either seeking the approval of others or of avoiding their disapproval…?

Pay attention:

  • Where do you not say something or do something  for fear of how the other person will react or respond?

  •  How do you modify your choices, your actions, your behavior, just so you can fit in?

  •  If no one were watching or where to ever know what you did, what would you choose, how would you be?

  •  How do you be when you are by yourself that you change when you are with others?

The small stuff may not seem to matter much, but there are so many ways that we choose to disconnect from our true essence, our true nature, just to receive approval or perceived acceptance from others. In the long-run, it costs us. It costs us being true to ourselves and who we truly are. People-pleasing and self-denial, when taken to extremes even cost some people their lives.

For many of us we just do this in little ways, for others it may be much bigger, like choosing your life based on others approval- like what’s acceptable to your family- rather than what works for you. There are so many stories of people choosing the careers their parents’ wanted for them because they were afraid to face their parents’ disapproval. Often they are quite miserable and unhappy with their lives and what they do.

Sometimes it is appropriate to make choices that allow us to blend in, to “look the part” but when we do this not from a place of pure choice and out of the desire for acceptance and approval, we are giving up some of ourselves, some of our freedom and our power.

  • What would it take to be in total approval and acceptance of yourself and to make choices from that place?

  • What healing, growing or support do you need in order to choose your life for YOU regardless of the opinion, reactions or judgements of others?

  •  Where are some places in your life that you have been choosing based on the acceptance and approval of others and what would it take to choose what is truly right for you?

After all it is YOUR life and you are the only one who has to live with you 100% of the time.

Please share comments, thoughts, experiences and reflections below!