Positivity and its Unintended Consequences

I have noticed a trend in the world I live in toward extreme positivity and optimism. There are even many teachers and leaders and celebrity advocates in the world of positive thinking. While I do see great value on accentuating the positive, and that it can be a powerful tool to transform our experiences, I think it also has its unintended consequences.

One of these consequences is to be in denial about the truth of our experience. Life isn’t just easy and rosy all the time. People face real challenge, real hardship. Yes positivity can help overcome these things, and it can also be important to acknowledge our challenge, our hardship, or pain and not just “put on a happy face” when we are really struggling or hurting.

WHY?

Positivity and positive thinking can become a form of denial

What I’ve found, is that when I can actually acknowledge these things… how much something hurt me, how much I am struggling, how painful something felt, that it actually creates more space, softness and openness. (As long as I don’t go into story or judgment) When I just use positivity to override these things it can actually lead to further suffering and pain and keep me stuck. When I can be present with and accept what is then ironically it has the space to shift and change.

Positivity can perpetuate a sense of isolation

Another piece I’ve noticed in the trend toward positivity is that it can create a sense of isolation and separation, and also pressure to be happier, to have more fun, to have a more exciting life. We see everyone around us spouting positivity (at least on the surface) and we wonder why we aren’t happier or think we’re abnormal if we don’t have an extremely exciting life in which we are happy all of the time.

When you’re going through a hard time in which you already feel low, and there’s this message to stay positive and that you “should” be happy all the time, it can add to one’s sense of isolation in significant ways. There becomes no space to acknowledge, express, or work with our true and real experience at those times. Not having a place to express or acknowledge them can just compound our feelings of depression.

“Putting on a Happy Face” can cut you off from the support and care of others

And another thing I just realized: If we don’t let folks into our world, into what’s really going on for us and just act happy and positive all the time, we’re not giving them the awareness or information that allows them to help or support us. If we let people see what’s going on for us in certain circumstances, that we are struggling with something perhaps, or don’t have it all together, it could give them the awareness and inspiration to offer support, to contribute to our well-being. If we just act positive and happy and pretend we’re ‘fine’, they just wouldn’t know to reach out or that we really needed anything. In short, sharing our experience, including our struggles and hardship can actually create connection.

(As I write this, I’m also recognizing a subtle distinction: There’s a difference between acknowledging what’s true for us and being negative or just complaining.)

Being fully alive requires honoring the full range of emotions

Our emotions, all of them, can be appropriate responses to real-life situations. If we loose someone near or dear to us, then it is natural to be sad, healthy even. The full range of feelings are important feedback mechanisms giving us important information about our experiences of life in any given situation. If we shut that off we shut off receiving very important information about ourselves and the world. Feelings are not something to be controlled or overcome, they are something to be listened to and are communication about our needs and our experience in life. When we deny or work to suppress any feelings other than “positive ones” we create energetic clogging in our systems and also run the risk of not acknowledging even to ourselves the impacts of painful or hurtful situations.

Please share comments, thoughts, experiences and reflections below. If this provides inspiration, insight or food for thought, then share it with your friends so they can engage with these ideas too!

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