Some Thoughts on Maturity

What does maturity mean to you? What makes someone mature or immature?

I began to more-deeply investigate the question of maturity when I noticed I was repeatedly judging someone in my life as immature. Being a practitioner of Nonviolent Communication, which invites us to move beyond our judgement to see more clearly what is actually occurring, I wanted to really unpack what behaviors or ways of being I was labeling as immature.

What I came to see and explore were themes around choice and commitment.

Youth is a time for exploration, for freedom, for discovering and learning about the world, a time of trying lots of different things and keeping your options open.

There comes a time however, when that phase of life no-longer serves our highest development, when to stay in the phase of all-options-open sort of freedom would actually limit us and hold us back in our maturity and development.

There comes a time when, in order to step into greater maturity and full adulthood we must be willing to choose something other than freedom as our highest priority.

It’s a process of discerning and choosing, in a way of narrowing our focus, or perhaps coming into clearer focus about what we choose or want to have in our lives.

We may choose to focus on one path, direction or career at the exclusion of others. In a way, by making this commitment, we loose a form of freedom, though we do also gain.

When we are willing to commit ourselves to something which by necessity means the exclusion of other things, we are developing ourselves in new ways. If we have the clarity about what we choose, then it’s not really a sacrifice, but a step into a greater level of clarity about who we are and our path and direction in life, which also is a step toward maturity.

Think about your professional development- at some point, in order to truly deepen and advance was there not a time when you chose to commit yourself more fully or deeply to a particular study, work or path, also meaning that you would not be giving as much time or energy to other things?

Or maybe you haven’t gotten to that point yet, but can you see that there would come a time that in order to develop or mature would require choosing a direction  and focus that  would by necessity exclude others?

Or relationship or parenthood parenthood. At some point we choose that our own personal freedom to do what we want when we want, is less of a priority than say, deepening a relationship or showing up for our family. We’ll choose to be available to our partner or our family in a way that roots us or commits us,  because we recognize that the value we gain from these commitments has become a higher priority than our own individual freedom.

At some point, always choosing freedom as the highest priority limits you, your ability to develop, invest, deepen and mature. Through discernment and commitment a clarity about you, your path, your place, and how you engage with this world is gained.

That’s not to say that there’s not moments where you question everything, maybe even make a change or re-adjust- where the choices you have made also feel like constraints. Yet part of maturity is the ability and willingness to commit, discern, focus and choose what you will have and create in your life.

Where are the areas in your life, that in order to move forward or to step into greater maturity would require you to  make a deeper level of investment or commitment? 

What keeps you from moving in that direction or making those commitments? 

Are there any commitments you have made that no-longer serve your forward movement, development and maturity? What would it take to readjust or change them? 

 Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

William H. Murray

Interested in exploring these themes in your life and taking steps along your path into greater maturity and your full expression?

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