Bullying is a symptom, can we address it at its cause?Bullying. I've been hearing a bit about bulling lately, chiefly about legislation, laws and rules in response to bullying. My heart goes out to all the children who are or have been victims of bullying, and to their families, especially to the families of those children who have taken their own lives. A tragedy I would not wish upon anyone. However, I really wonder if laws and legislation [...]
Empathy Before Education"I regretted how often in the past I'd rendered children incompetent by stepping in too soon." ~ Tom HobsonThis sentence from the Teacher Tom blog jumped out at me.I wonder how often we render children incompetent by stepping in too soon. I wonder how often we render anyone incompetent by stepping in too soon.I've noticed in my time working with children that we so often per-determine their capabilities or lack there of and step in before [...]
Honoring the YES and NO of Children Do you remember what it was like to be five years old? To trust yourself and to clearly know what you did and didn’t want?… As children, most of us are incredibly aware and connected, both to our own essence and being, to our likes and dislikes to our YES and our NO. We generally come to life with confidence, trust and enthusiasm. Even if we're timid or shy we at [...]
Learn to trust your YES and your NO Do you remember what it was like to be five years old? To trust yourself and to clearly know what you did and didn’t want?… To go for what you wanted without hesitation?… To freely share your love and your joy and your aliveness with the world? So what happened to that? What happened to your confidence in knowing what you do or don't want and what's true for you? [...]
You can't make me... I spend a fair amount of time with children. Actually, being with and relating to children is one of those special gifts I have. It started when I was just a kid and I guess I just never stopped playing, being with and relating to children. Through my experience I've developed a unique perspective that's part of what I'm here to share with the world. One theme that has been arising recently is the [...]
What does Nonviolence mean to you? We opened our first class of Communication From the Inside Out with this question. As we delved into the exploration of Violence and Nonviolence we discovered that violence and the roots of violence is far more complex and complicated than we ever would have imagined. Recognizing violence in all of it's forms Most people think of violence as physical harm, brutality and the like, in which most of us don't actively participate, [...]
A Context for Mutuality... Adult/child relationships are also constructed through family design and structure. In mainstream society and nuclear family settings, virtually all relationships children have, at least initially, are mediated through their parents. While kids gain greater independence, especially as they get older, in conducting peer-to-peer relationships, there is little scope for independently initiated and facilitated relationships with adults. Most child-adult relationships are based on adult authority such as parents and teachers and not on mutually shared [...]
Reconstructing Adult/Child Relationships Much of the way our relationships with children are currently constructed is based on adult authority and adults acting upon children rather than sharing power and holding mutual respect with them. The labels of “adult” and “child” so often become barriers to connection, on a mutual or horizontal level, where people who find interest in each other and benefit from the company of the other engaged in freely chosen and mutually beneficial ways. What avenues [...]
Age Discrimination We have perceived children for so long as immature and incompetent that we have barred them from participating in activities that allow them to mature and gain competence in the world. These ideas are based more on our sentiments about children however, than on the validity of what children, if they are allowed, are actually capable. Age in and of its self is neither a measure of competence nor of maturity, but it is constantly used [...]
Pursuing One’s Own Interests The best preparation for a meaningful and productive future is a meaningful and productive present Too often, childhood is thought of in terms of preparation: “Do this now, even if it doesn’t feel connected to your most pressing interests and concerns, because later on you’ll find it useful.” Helping children to figure out what seems interesting and worth doing right now, in their current lives, helps them develop self-knowledge and experience at figuring out [...]
I am re-reading a children's classic-Tom Sawyer. I am struck not only by the high level of autonomy and freedom the boys posses in this book, but also the great degree of self-confidence, trust and self-reliance. The reality of structure, supervision and control of kids lives has become, for the most part, the predominate experience. Between sports and homework and whatever extra-curricular activities kids are involved in- when is there time to play, to discover, to imagine, to [...]
Kids Trusting Themselves Thinking children incompetent or not realizing just how capable they actually are, perhaps because we have provided them little opportunity to demonstrate their capabilities, keeps us managing their lives rather than trusting them to make decisions and be responsible for themselves. Such acts foster a relationship of dependence and enforce inequality and inability rather than bring children into parity. By constantly making decisions for kids and managing their lives we are also teaching them to [...]
Social Structure Social structure constantly shapes and directs our lives. For most of us, it is not something that we pay much attention to or that we are consciously aware of. The following experience and insight from living on a family homestead and community with kids and parents living and working in the same space together, helped me to see how social structure might be an important element in design and of increasing kids’ autonomy: My experience of [...]
I do a lot of wondering. A lot of wondering about kids and childhood and our current social construction of childhood, how it supports kids as unique beings in their learning and growing and becoming autonomous people, and how it might work better. What does it mean for kids to have rich, purposeful, engaged lives as part of their community and their society, not only when they grow up, but now, this very moment, at what ever age [...]
Community Can Increase Autonomy Sidney and Ana live in a rural environment in which they are surrounded by a community of caring people that look out for them and help them meet their needs. As I ponder the limited scope of children’s movement in current society, I have thought about what sorts of structures, social practices and designs might help to increase the mobility and autonomy of young people. One thing I have observed is that in the [...]